It comes as no surprise that some pro-abortion feminists are finding they can’t quite bring themselves to tell their children about their own abortions. This story in Yahoo News is an important read and I hope you can all find the time to read it in its entirety. But some lines jumped out at me and I would like to talk about those.
The author, Raven Snook, is a writer who emcees burlesque shows, according to her website. The fact that she’s so edgy, so out there, makes it very telling that even she couldn’t answer her 9-year-old daughter when she asked if she had ever been pregnant before.
I’ve never been secretive about my abortion. My friends and family know and I’ve even performed a monologue about it onstage. I’m unabashedly pro-choice and I’ve talked with my child in an age-appropriate manner about sex, pregnancy, birth control, and the fact that women have the right to decide if and when they become mommies. Yet when it came to revealing my own abortion — a necessary conversation so that my daughter views it as a personal choice, not a political one — I panicked.
Could it be she was worried her daughter wouldn’t see the intentional killing of her older sibling as either a political choice or a personal one but would instead discern the truth? That this child, with the same 23 chromosomes and maybe the same eyes and smile, was killed simply because he or she was inconvenient?
Ms. Snook mentions that she threw herself into mothering her chosen child “with zeal.” Could it be that, having shown her daughter her super-mom side, she can’t find the words to explain how one of her children could be so different from the next. How on earth do you say, “I aborted your sibling, but oh darling, I really wanted to have you! That is a terrifying thing for a child to hear. What might happen, they wonder, if they fail to measure up to Mommy Dearest’s expectations? What happens if they become inconvenient?
The fact that Ms. Snook’s daughter asked the question in the first place is an indication she already had intuited that someone was missing from their family portrait. Sibling survivors often do. The Canadian psychiatrist and abortion trauma expert Dr. Philip Ney once told me a story about a woman who brought her daughter to him to get to the cause of her bed wetting. In a private conversation, the mother told Dr. Ney she had had two abortions before giving the right to life to this daughter. When the doctor asked the girl to draw a picture of her family, she drew a family with three children.
In April, our new Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion initiative at Silent No More will focus on sibling survivors like Ms. Snook’s daughter. In an interview that can be heard at www.abortionshockwaves.com Dr. Ney said considerable research has been done on sibling survivors of abortion.
“It’s quite clear that children are affected,” he said. “They have existential guilt that they shouldn’t be alive when their siblings were aborted. They feel guilty for existing. They don’t trust people. They have pseudo-secrets. They have a long list of difficult problems.” Dr. Ney also talks of how abortion can afflict families for generations: The grandmother has had an abortion, the mother has had an abortion, the daughter has or will have an abortion.
This phenomenon also impacts sibling survivors. “Abortion survivors don’t want to have children,” he said. If they don’t deal with their feelings, they can grow up into narcissistic adults, modeling the behavior that led their mother or father, or both, to see their older sibling as inconvenient and disposable.
In the Yahoo News story, Ms. Snook quotes another post-abortion pro-choice mother about her experience when she told her two kids, including a 10-year-old son, about their missing sibling.
After discussing sperm banks and pregnancy, the topic turned to abortion, specifically hers. “‘It’s one of the choices people can make if they get pregnant and can’t take care of the baby for whatever reason,’ I told them. I felt the whole temperature of the car change. Maybe I was projecting but I saw a look pass on his face that went ‘whoa.’ The statement made an impact. But being open about it, you normalize it.”
Her last statement, about normalizing the experience, is nothing but wishful thinking on her part. But the temperature of the car changing and the look on his face? Those were spot-on observations.
It is my hope that Ms. Snook will one day seek healing for her abortion just like many women do on a daily basis as they visit our website www.AbortionForgiveness.com where they can find an abortion recovery program in their area. Also, Dr. Ney has written about how to tell your child about your abortion and you can view his work at www.Messengers2.com. Remember, to a child, there is nothing normal about the murder of their brother or sister. Children know right from wrong.