The truth about the way abortion affects men comes to the surface in places you might not expect.
The rapper Flypside with his haunting video “Happy Birthday,” tells the truth about abortion loss from the perspective of a man wondering what his 4-year-old would be like.
Steven Tyler’s lament, “Jesus, what have I done,” after he forced his teenage girlfriend to abort their child shows that he realized, even if too late, that he had sanctioned the murder of his own son, and it hurt.
Now even advice columnists are hearing from men who regret their roles in an abortion, even if they don’t find out about it until years later.
An advice column in The Sentinel, in Stokes, England, yesterday ran a letter from a man who found out, years after the fact, that a woman with whom he had a casual, but physical, relationship ended up leaving school suddenly because she became pregnant, and had an abortion. His letter is filled with raw, honest, emotion. It tells the truth about how so many people feel after choosing abortion.
“Throughout university I was in a relationship with a girl who loved me more than I did her and I cheated on her and often stood her up. Just before our finals she left suddenly and seemed to disappear. Fifteen years on she contacted me through Facebook and suggested we meet. She eventually told me why she left, that she was pregnant with our child, knew I wouldn’t support her, had an abortion and became very depressed and attempted suicide before getting her life back on track. She finished her degree, has a good job and is married and has one child and she says she is very happy. I was shocked that she had gone through all of that, on her own and largely because of me. I feel so guilty that I treated her so unkindly. Since she told me I have been off sick from work and my friends are worried about me, but I’m too ashamed to tell them what is going on.”
The honesty in this letter almost hurts. He didn’t love her. He cheated on her. And yet he continued to have sex with her, knowing her feelings were stronger and deeper.
The advice columnist first focuses on the fact that the woman might be at fault for having told him after so much time had elapsed, but eventually addresses the real issue, that his feelings are pent up with remorse and regret over his lost child.
The columnist’s reply:
“I would suggest you see your GP if you haven’t already, just to get some support. I feel torn in your case. This, on the one hand, smacks of your ex feeling the need to dump this on you. However, we often do not reflect on how we treat others and hearing what she had to say has led you to look at your past behaviour. That’s no bad thing, providing we learn from our mistakes. I am glad to hear that you have changed and you find that young man unrecognisable. I hope you can forgive yourself now and move on from this, as you cannot change what is done. Counselling would help you to come to terms with this and deal with the loss of your child.”
In their stepped-up effort to eliminate the “stigma” of abortion, pro-aborts are urging women to tell their abortion stories, and, like the women and men of the Silent No More Awareness Campaign who have been sharing the pain of their abortions for more than 10 years, the stories, more often than not, include feelings of regret and loss. Pro-aborts listen to these stories and say, “abortion has to remain legal anyway, no matter how much pain it causes.” We hear the stories and we know that we have to work harder to ensure the day will come when no one will make that choice, because the pain is often too much to bear.
Please join me in calling for an end to abortion by pulling this harmful product, this violence masquerading as choice, off the market. Go to www.recallabortion.com and sign the petition.
If you are a man hurting from an abortion loss, please go to Silent No More and click on the photo “Men and Abortion.”